A letter to the grave.

Hey Pa, what up? I can smell flowers in the living room right now, so yea, I miss you too :). It's been 4 years Pa, and I never moved on.  As they say, nobody moves on when a loved one dies, they just get use to the fact that they're not here anymore. I miss you a lot Pa.  I miss it when you ask me to do something, I miss it when we eat out, I miss it when we want to watch movies, horror or suspense for that matter, I miss it when you would eventually fall asleep once we start watching those movies, but what I really miss is when you make me feel that you're proud of me and of what I do.  Guess what Pa, shoti laki and shoti liit are really active members of Bell Church and shoti laki won 1st place on an Impromptu Speech in English. I'm so proud of them and I know you are just as proud as I am. 

After 4 years, though, I'm still studying.  I shifted course.  I'm sorry Pa. I know you would want me to finish HRM, but I can't do it anymore.  I'm so sorry I'm such a mess and a screw-up. I failed you Pa. I'm so sorry.  Don't worry, I'm trying my best to make you proud again.  This is the career that I really want to pursue. 

It's sad, though, that you wouldn't be with us when we grow up.  You wouldn't meet my boyfriend now, and shoti laki's girlfriend and shoti liit's future girlfriend.  We can't chill together.  You wouldn't be here to see how much we have changed.  But I'm not complaining with God's plan to get you at a young age.  He has better plans.  I couldn't bear to see you suffering should you be able to survive your attack 4 years ago.  I believe God took you because you were ready to be with Him.  

This is kinda long already. See you in the future Pa (I was suppose to type soon, but then I realized, not yet Pa, I kinda have a lot of things to do first). But I know, we'll be together again.  I really miss you Pa. I love you. 

Pug Is LOVE

Hi! I was scanning my journal when all of a sudden, I want to have a pug! I know, I'm so weird. But, anyway, I want a pug :D I want, want, want! They're so cute and adorable, especially their cute and expressive eyes. Awww <3 Makes me want to take them home and give them lotsa love :). Haaaaayyy, they're so cute. Now I know what I want for Christmas or my birthday! :D I want a pug, or if not, an External Hard Drive, heee :3. But,anyway, I want a pug, a male pug that is. And it should be black :D. Asking for a pug isn't too much, right? ;) 

Cutie Pattotie! I want to cuddle it! <3

10-28-10

Hi there. I'm trying to write what I feel. I used to do it but now I don't know why I'm having a hard time doing it. Maybe it's because I'm holding back and I don't know why I should hold back, it's not like a lot of people are reading my posts. 

So, anyway, I miss boyfriend.  I miss him even more just thinking that he would be here for the holidays. We've been trying to survive our long distance relationship for 6 months already and so far, we've been doing great <3.  However, it kinda scares me when I think of the future.  The thought that maybe we'll have an expiration date scares me.  I pray we won't have that (expiration date).  I don't like having him as an ex-lover. Ugh. Why am I having this feelings, in the first place? It's not that he's giving me any reasons for me to feel this. Sigh.  I really don't want to think about this, because once I start having this thought, I have the tendency to over-think and over-thinking is not healthy for me. It can make me crazy for like days until this odd feeling goes away. 

Sigh, I just want to sleep this feeling away. . .

P.S.: I miss my brothers,too. I can't wait for next year, I would like to see them and hang out with them.

10-27-10

Hi! Yes this is the recent me. And yes, I FAT. But the heck! I like it better :) 

And another one! :P

Just sharing. I've been wanting to perfect this Asian-open mouth-pacute look! And I'm not exactly sure if I get it already. What do you think? O.o

"Don't give your everything when you're in love, because when he leaves you, you'll be left with nothing and end up crying and hurt"

I've been hearing this line for so many years already. I used to believe on this but I realized that this line only works for those who don't really know how to love.  Sorry, no offense meant, but I think people who believe on this are scaredy cats and selfish. 

Yes, I was a scaredy cat and selfish before.  I entered in relationships but I didn't give my everything to it; I didn't give my full trust, my full love, and yes, I was also selfish, too.  Ironic, though, because when all these relationships ended, I was left crying and hurt.  And I also ended up thinking a lot of "what ifs". 

That's why I realized that when we enter in a relationship, we must give everything to it to make it work. So what if we would look stupid once in a while? It's okay, it's normal.  And, our partner deserves our full love and trust and loyalty.  I'm not saying that by giving everything would give us an assurance that our relationships would work.  No, that's not what I'm trying to point out.  Nothing can give us an assurance that relationships will last.  What I'm trying to say is, should our relationships don't last, at least, we know on ourselves that we can love truly, that we did our part. And should it last, then we know on ourselves that we really deserve it because we worked hard on it and we've been true to our partner and to the relationship since day 1. 

And don't worry about not being able to love again after getting hurt.  We can still love after this, the fact that we're still alive is an indication that we are still capable of loving <3

I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry.

Yes. I'm sorry to all the people that I hurt and people I didn't know I hurt. 

I'm also sorry to the people I used to be close with but I didn't know what happen, we just drifted apart. 

I'm also sorry to the people I don't get to talk with anymore because, well,  I don't know, maybe I'm too scared to talk with you again.

Yes, I'm sorry, I really am. 

I miss being with these people that I hurt, that I drifted apart with, and that I don't get to talk with anymore. I want everything to be okay again. And, well, as much as I want it to be okay, I think I just have to wait for the right time to come.  I still believe that when the right time comes everything would be okay. 

Few years back, I have a friend and we had a very ugly fight. A fight that was really ugly and messy. And so, we stayed enemies for how many weeks.  Until one day, I learned that my friend had a near-death experience. The moment I learned about it, I got scared and thought: "my goodness! what if that friend died? I never get to say sorry to that friend" It was creepy and I felt like crying that time.  I was just glad that my friend is still alive until now.  The very sad part though, that friend and I still don't get to talk.  Sure ,we  can get to see each other once in a while, but we still don't get to talk.  I would love to talk to that friend but I just don't have the balls to do it.  I hope, before this year ends, I get to talk to that friend, so that everything would be okay. And to the rest of the people that I owe an apology. 

Good morning! 

It's 6:22am and I haven't had sleep. I downloaded Season 6, Episode 2 of How I Met Your Mother but the episode was not complete D: 

So, I just browsed my Music folder and listened to 500 Days of Summer, Jennifer's Body, and Juno soundtrack. And I thought of something,...why not play some of the songs from the soundtracks on one of jam sessions with Barbie? I checked all the chords of the songs we would like to play and all of them are easy-peasy. Nothing that Barbie can't strum :D 

Paging Barbie: Pssssssttt.... Let's start practicing,oki? I thought of the song line up already. =]

Hi! It's already 2:30am and I'm making this post not because I couldn't sleep, but because I came from a session :) 

And, honestly, I don't know what I'll write down. I just feel like making a post and not exactly thinking what topic/s to write about. So, yeah, consider this as another super random post :) 

I don't know if it's weird or what, but, the closer the days are coming 'till the day I get to see him, the more excited I become. This is my first time to feel this way. Heeeeee :3 November is fast approaching and I shall start my countdown. And I'll try my best to update this blog everyday starting November until the day we meet again :) So.Freakin'.Excited :D If everything would go smoothly 'till the year ends, this year would be one of  my best years ever! And would also be one of my best birthdays ever! :D Sheesh! I'm so excited right now, promise! I really am, as in, RIGHT NOW :D Shux! Shux! Shux! :D 

Alrighty! I think it's time to hit the bed and sleeepp :) btw, i literally slept the whole day yesterday. I was just up for 3 hours to eat brunch, then went back to sleep. I think I just made bawi from the super long weekend I had ;) 

Eleven Minutes

From Maria's diary, on a day when she had her period and couldn't work

If I were to tell someone about my life today, I could

do it in a way that would make them think me a

brave, happy, independent woman. Rubbish: I am not

even allowed to mention the only word that is more

important than the eleven minutes--love.

All my life, I thought love as some kind of vol-

untary enslavement. Well, that's a lie: freedom only

exists when love is present. The person who gives him 

or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the 

person who loves most wholeheartedly.

And the person who loves wholeheartedly feels

free.

That is why, regardless of what I might experience, 

do or learn, nothing makes sense. I hope this time passes

quickly, so that I can resume my search for myself--in 

the form of a man who understands me and does not

make me suffer.

But what am I saying? In love, no one can harm

anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own 

feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we

feel.

It hurt when I lost each of the various men I 

fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one 

loses anyone, because no one owns anyone.

This is the true experience of freedom: having the 

most important thing in the world without owning it. 

                                                                                 Page 88-89

Good, clean fun (as what Sir Alex would always say)

"Tignan mo, hindi tayo pupunta sa mga bars, wala tayong nightlife, but we're definitely havin' fun."- Eumi.

Napaisip ako dun sa statement na yun. And yes, I so agree to her. We don't have any nightlife, but everyday, we have fun, we are still happy and fun-loving people minus the smell of smoke and hang over.

I noticed that people who don't have any nightlife are stereotyped as boring people. Remarked as Santa or Santo pero in a sarcastic way. And that's not true, jackass lang nagsasabi nun.

Anyway...

Whenever I think of nightlife, I always think that it's not for me. Maybe, after graduation, I would start havin' that kind of life. Pero, when I think of it, there's this little voice that tells me, You don't need it. You're already havin' fun. And then, I would just shrug off the idea of actually havin' a nightlife. After all, I'm contented with my good, clean fun. :)

This is a post I had 3 years ago. And I'm what,. 17 when I wrote this post. Now, fast forwarding to 2010. I realized how different I am.  I used to be contented just chilling at home (well, until now, but not that much anymore). I can easily turn down a drinking session. But now, I'm having a hard time turning down an invite for a drink.  And for the past months, I always have a drinking session in a week that would last until morning of the next day.  I would also have drinking sessions even on weekdays that I would come home in the wee hours of the morning and I can't catch any sleep anymore because my class for that day is too early.  I even tried going to class drunk! (well, I think doing it once in a while is cool n.n). For the past 3 years, tremendous changes happened.  From the way I look, the way I act, and the way I perceive things around me. I don't know, though, but I'm becoming more and more open minded. With all the things that I've seen and experienced for the past months, I couldn't help but think that "the fuck! Is this really life?!" But then again, life's what you make it.  It still up to me to either accept or reject things in life. However, in spite these changes, one of the things that didn't change is the fact that I can still enjoy good, clean fun.  I can still have fun with simple things, like chatting with friends over food minus the alcohol, playing LAN games with them, or just bumming out for hours, talking with my friends while they puff their cigars. :)

Hi. It's 1:40am and I'm far from being sleepy. I really want to sleep because when I'm awake, I tend to entertain a lot of things inside my head. My little rogueys are tired already. It's been a long day and I'm surprised that I'm still not sleeping. The t.v. set is still on and I want to download an album but I don't know what album to download. I want to watch HIMYM on the net, but my net is too slow to load a whole episode *sigh*. 

I can't think of anything sensible to write. These thoughts are all but free-flowing. Whatever comes out of my brain, I write it down. 

I hate disappointments. For years, I've been trying to get used to them, because, you know, disappointments are always there.  But, it's really hard getting used to them *sigh*. Oh well...

It's already October. It's already the 2nd week and I can't believe how fast time flies. It's like just summer yesterday and now, the holiday is fast approaching.  And I'm very excited.  There are just so many things to celebrate about in the coming months. 

I miss a lot of people and I hope that I could make time for them this semestral break. In example, my bestfriend, Mimi :) I miss her a lot, I hope that I could get to fetch her after her work then hang out and talk and eat and talk and eat. Or maybe hang out at their place. I miss our karaoke sessions and dvd marathon and non-stop chats while watching. Ahhh, good times. I miss it a lot. I even miss our Pancake Thursday. I hope next time, it will be Pasta Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday, I don't really care what day, as long as it would have pasta and my bestfriend :) 

Hey.ho.sagos! :D It's been what, umm, I can't remember when was my last post and I've been wanting to update my blog for the past few days, however, my final exams and research were getting on my way. And now, T.G.I.S.! Yes, not only because the fact that it's SATURDAY, but the fact that finally, our research is ready for book bind! I couldn't be more happy to know that our teacher allowed us to have our paper book bind by Monday. After all the countless research, edit, and print, our group had finally made it! Our RESEARCH PAPER = BOOK BIND! Yahooo! :D Now our research had came to an end, what I'll definitely miss is our Tuesday/Thursday Research Galore in our house. We bought food and I cook for my group mates and I loved it! :) Ahhhh,, good times. Not only did we have fun eating, but gossiping and conversing,too. I loved it and will definitely miss it :) 

So by next week, my only concerns would be my Health 1 and Political Science 1 exams and the bookbinding. Yes! I can't wait for next week! Let it be Monday please, please. For the first time, I've been wanting it to be Monday :D

Whew! Thanks Big Man Up There! ;) 

I Tweet.

Tweet, tweet. Tweet, tweet...

Heeee :3 Created another account on Twitter. Look for bb_brightside :D Yes, I'm full of brightness! :D 

Realizations over Pork Ribs :D

This post may seem very intriguing or controversial, but really, it's not :D. These are just thoughts I have in mind that I've realized for the past months :)

1. Sometimes, temptations are okay and going after those temptations are okay, too, because in the long run, you'll get disappointed with those "temptations" and appreciate more what you have.
2. Grab every chance in life! So when the time comes that you decide to settle down, you wouldn't have to worry about "what ifs".
3. Looking at the glass as half full, not half-empty = My greatest STRENGTH, but also my greatest WEAKNESS. 

Shoutout!! :DD

Hi! :) Yes, I'm back, again. I've been busy, as usual. Rawr. It's final exam week and I can't wait for sem-break to start. Weeee! :) I can color my nails again with loud and bold colors., yey for that! I can finally attend on my Tumblr, Plurk, and Blogspot again :3 heeeeeee -,- So, yea, anyway. . .My friend Barbie had finally created an account here. FINALLY! :D Yes, please follow her or whatever. Here's the linky: Mind of A Wimpy Kid 

On an exciting note. . . I haz a next post after this one, more sensible than this post ;)